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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29695923">Burning Cedars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZianaV/pseuds/ZianaV'>ZianaV</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Emotional Sex, F/M, Fainting, Fear of Death, Intense, Johnny Silverhand Being An Asshole, Oneshot, Shameless Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:48:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,496</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29695923</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZianaV/pseuds/ZianaV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Last night she wished they had been simple spectators, enjoying the festivities and then maybe going out to town, for dinner or a drink. But that was not their life..."</p><p>A moment, a few hours, a night and a day in the eye of the storm. Not long enough to fully satiate her, or dampen her fears.<br/>Just a mistake perhaps, but not one any of them would really forget, or ever be the same in its aftermath.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female V/Goro Takemura, Goro Takemura/Female V, Goro Takemura/V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Burning Cedars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>What I wish would have happened after V saved Goro from the crumbling, burning, Arasaka soldier infested building. </p><p>I am still salty about him just fleeing and leaving my poor girl gasping on the pavement, so I am having my revenge.</p><p>This idea came to me while listening to The Sacred And The Profane song from the game. Hypnotic, intense, amazing song that I highly recommend. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeVNj4nSkzc</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another dark helmet exploded in a spray of pink tissue, metal and bone. Whoever the last sad, motherfucker was, dying at her hands, she didn't know. A whole trail of butchered young men sprawled behind them. Pawns, numbers, blood and meat...</p><p>She jumped over an entire stairway to reach the exit faster. A little bit of cold air was wafting from outside, through the widely opened doors and she desperately ran to it. The smoke and cinder she had been breathing for so long was starting to get to her head. Some more time into that hell and she would have got carbon dioxide poisoning.</p><p>She heard him following close behind her and felt relief that once again, they both survived.</p><p>Her first step outside the crumbling, burning building was met with faint, sickness and those damnable lights making everything flicker and twitch at the corner of her eyes. Small, sharp spasms bit at her brain and once again she imagined that some more neurons were being permanently fried.</p><p>Her hands and knees hit the concrete hard and she coughed as she felt her chest contracting, collapsing.</p><p>"It is be better if we split. You'll be safer if we do..." She heard him from somewhere far away. He seemed to speak from a well or a deep hole in the earth.</p><p>The edges of her vision were getting darker - shrinking, and her chest hurt. She coughed and gasped so hard her lungs stung and she spat blood in her palms.</p><p>"Be careful! V, stay with me! " His voice was even more distant, calling to her from miles away. </p><p>
  <em>No! Don't go! Don't leave me here like this!</em>
</p><p>All she could voice was a strangled call of his name and then her body hit the concrete. Her vision darkened completely, hearing fading into nothing. </p><p>The last sensations she felt were his hands grabbing her upper arms, the smell of smoke, blood and a faint perfume, all entangled in words she could not decipher. Moments later, even those disappeared and she retreated to a distant, dark place inside herself.</p><p>That was it. The Relic had finally cracked her. Unexpected, but perhaps the strain and adrenaline of this impossibly insane mission was too much for her poor brain and body. Plus, she was bleeding and had inhaled way too much smoke.</p><p>
  <em>"I told you not to save the saka scum! Rather die than listen to me..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>At least I'll meet Jackie...</em>
</p><p>All was dark and empty, yet somehow real. It was a material darkness, thicker than fog. It smelled of sea and blood and red and black and fire and death.</p><p>In it, far away, a pinprick of light grew,  rushing at her, like a train at the end of a dark, endless tunnel. </p><p>When it finally crashed into her, it swallowed her whole and she became part of it, watching it replay memories of her childhood, her youth in the desert, getting her clan's rite of passage tattoo, screaming in pain and joy, her first boyfriend, arguments and misunderstandings in the clan. Pain. Fear. Loneliness. Leaving her family, meeting Jackie, meeting new people, drinking, shooting, stealing a katana and using it for the first time in her life to mangle some poor bastard, getting eddies, kissing Jackie... More fear. <em>No one should know</em>. Killing more people. Getting stupid drunk. Kissing him again. Jackie fucking her like she had never been fucked before. Screaming and calling his name at the peak of her release. Thirsty, hungry for each other. Guilt again. Ashamed to even think of Misty. Fucking him again. Unable to control herself. </p><p>Jackie bleeding in her arms.</p><p>Pain. Death. Fire. Smoke. Red. Black. </p><p>
  <em>"Can't believed you fucked that big gonk too. The fuck is wrong with you, V? Do you really need to fuck every guy that looks at you?  You're worse than me. At least try a woman too so that I can enjoy something else for once. Kinda tired of so much cock... Soon I'm probably gonna see some saka cock too. I know it. Don't think I don't hear your every thought, or feel your every feeling."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>FUCK OFF, JOHNNY!  DON'T CALL JACKIE THAT! HE WAS TEN TIMES THE MAN YOU ARE! GO DIE!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"If I die, you die! You got shit taste in men, by the way. All of them are only good to get you in danger and drag you closer to death. This should tell you something. This last one will be the death of you."</em>
</p><p><em>DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?  </em>She screamed into nothing, with her thoughts, with her mind, into the thick darkness she had returned too. He was so dense that he didn't even understand her excesses were the lifeline she had been hanging on since he appeared and brought death into her body. There was no use for explanations though... Not now.</p><p><em>"You are alive. Just so you know. The idiot saved us again, which he apparently loves doing. Not that useless after all... Just, follow the light..." </em>Johnny laughed in her mind.</p><p>She didn't want to listen to him anymore. She wanted to see Jackie. It was all she had wished. She had buried him in her very heart, in her chest, drowned in a sea of tears. </p><p><em>Sea... </em>It smelled of sea and cedars. Or firs? Pines? She could never tell the difference between all these. She had never seen many real trees.</p><p>Forest. Burning cedars and sea. </p><p>She ran as fast as she could, aimlessly through the darkness. </p><p>She finally reached something. There was light all around and softness laid under her feet. </p><p>Light glowing through an infinite sea of gigantic cedars. The forest floor was soft and thick, like the fur of an immense beast and she walked on it, following the blinding, golden light.</p><p>Her heart swelled. She had never seen a forest. It was like the Northern European ones her grandmother used to tell her about. The ones that didn't exist anymore and her grandmother was the last in her family to see with her own eyes.</p><p>She had seen pictures of them, films, but walking through one...</p><p>The most beautiful thing she had ever laid eyes on. A feeling she had never felt before filled her, electrified her. Something she couldn't contain. Something that threatened to burst her skin wide open. </p><p>
  <em>Freedom...</em>
</p><p>She gasped as the golden light grew and swallowed the forest, devouring her too and taking her away.</p><p>Her eyes opened and she was immediately blinded by the painfully bright sun rays. She shielded her face with her hand and let out a groan. </p><p>"Valerie..." Goro's heavy, accented voice called her from somewhere close. Her name, her real name.</p><p>She heard the sound of something being placed on the nightstand beside her. The mattress shifted and fingers lightly touched her shoulder, making her jump. The touch on her shoulder was gone. </p><p>"Ugh... Fuck..." was all she could utter. This had been a usual exclamation for her as of late, when coming to from yet another seizure.</p><p>"Indeed." Goro grumbled. "Wait. I'll pull down the shades."</p><p>A metallic grinding and a slight dimming of the light announced her he had done just that. </p><p>She removed her hand from her face and looked at him, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. He was a black silhouette with pale, shinny eyes against the muted glow of the sun, filtering through the shades. </p><p>He walked back to her slowly, as if she was some wild animal that would spook and run away.</p><p>"Better?" </p><p>"Yes." she rasped out.</p><p>He sat back on the side of the bed and wordlessly looked at her. His eyes lit up red as he scanned her up and down. </p><p>He was a sight too. He had rolled up his sleeves, forearms bare and tainted by ash, his hair was loose and in utter disarray, his trousers and shirt a mess. He had washed his face of soot and blood, but the rest of him... He looked like a different person. He could have fitted right in with a group of Nomads.</p><p>The fact that a moment later he grabbed the object he had placed on the nightstand, a can of Nicora, and took a deep swig from it, only made everything more outlandish. </p><p>He offered her the can and she accepted, the sugar, caffeine and stinging bubbles, the ideal cocktail against her lethargy. After she finished what was left of it he took it from her and placed it back on the nightstand.</p><p><em>Had he lost his hair tie in the fight? </em>She asked herself deliriously. His hair fell in loose, messy waves, just bellow his shoulders, white strands mingling with the black. What a stupid detail to fixate upon...</p><p>"You seem to be better." he sighed. "I thought I lost you..."</p><p>She looked at him and not for the first time she saw that dark intensity, that strange, almost scary thing that seemed to be hiding just underneath the cool surface.</p><p>She slowly sat up, leaning on her elbow. His back hunched a little and he let his arms rest on his thighs. He looked very tired, she thought.</p><p>"And I thought I had lost you." she said, barely a whisper.</p><p>"You shouldn't have returned to me. You almost died."</p><p>"But I didn't." She smiled the smallest of smiles, but he looked away, his eyes focused on the floor. "Besides, I payed my debt. You saved my life once and I saved yours. It was my turn."</p><p>Her long, pale hair hung over her equally pale arm. She must have looked like a ghost. All colour had drained from her skin.</p><p>She lifted her ghost hand and touched his arm, slowly, barely any weight to it. His eyes closed for just a while longer than a blink.</p><p>"And now is my turn again..."</p><p>His eyebrows gathered in a small frown and those gleaming eyes turned to her.</p><p>"How so?"</p><p>"Well, you saved me again. Brought me here. That was the worst place for random swooning. I would have been taken by Arasaka soldiers for experiments or whatever it is they do with people's bodies in there." The thought of Jackie slashed through her mind, like a well sharpened blade.</p><p>A barely perceptible grimace touched his lips at her words. </p><p>"Yes. Your turn. Let us hope you won't need to do it again. It is not your duty to save me." She thought she heard pain in his voice, but she was probably just being dramatic.</p><p>"It is what friends do." She let her voice be tender, soothing. He looked like he needed it and more often than not, she only knew brusque and sarcastic. It was her default tone, honed in years of adversity. </p><p>"Friends..."</p><p>She sat up on the side of the bed next to him. When her bare feet touched the cold floor and she was finally upright, the room spun, but she stood still, unperturbed, not wanting to further worry him.</p><p>His gaze made her self conscious and that is when she realized she was wearing only her bra and boxers. It wasn't a big deal, especially since both were quite practical, covering and supporting everything and she had worn the outerwear equivalent of lingerie many times, but knowing he was the one who took off her clothes, made her feel both embarrassed and excited.</p><p>"I apologize. I had to remove them. They were full of blood and I didn't even know how much of it was yours. Couldn't find the wound among all that blood." He sighed and looked her over once again. </p><p>She gathered the sheet that had been covering her and wrapped it around her upper body. <em>At least some colour is returning to my cheeks</em>, she thought as she tried discreetly patting away the embarrassed flush in her cheeks. Her cold hand didn't do much to appease the burn, so she gave up, letting her hands fall around her body.</p><p>On the side of her right hip she felt searing, hot pain. A bandage was there. She had expected more wounds, but she was sure that, had she looked in the mirror, she would be surprised to find she didn't sustain many. The smoke and Johnny were what brought her to the brink of death. </p><p>"They slashed you well. I suspect it was a blade. I see that it was the relic which brought you to this state, rather than wounds." he worded her thoughts. </p><p>"Yes... It had another malfunction. One of the biggest yet, I think."</p><p>She had dolled herself up good the night before. Long shower, moisturizer, make up, nice hair, practical, but nice clothes. </p><p>That festival was a display of fancy, wealthy and fashionable and she knew that she wouldn't live to attend another one. Yes, she would kill people and sneak like the criminal she was, but at least she would look good in the process. Now it was all utterly ruined. She looked like a wreck.</p><p>Last night she wished they had been simple spectators, enjoying the festivities and then maybe going out to town, for dinner or a drink. But that was not their life...</p><p>"Thank you..." Her hand returned to him, slowly snaking over his leg and entangling in his own large one that rested atop his knee. Her skin looked stark white and translucent next to his darker, almost golden one. They were so different, even in looks and yet...</p><p>A barely visible tensing of his body and a hitch in his breath were the only outward reactions to her touch, but his eyes... Oh, his eyes...</p><p>She felt dizzy looking into them too long, so her gaze fled to the recesses of a dark corner of the room.</p><p>There was no turning back. She felt it in the air, in the way it pulsed and vibrated with their entangled energies and desires. </p><p>They had been slowly building up to this moment for a long time. Their shared plans, pain, fear and spilled blood pushed them into each other's arms. It was a complicated, dangerously intense thing. </p><p>She felt it in her very being that in any circumstance she would have been attracted to him, but in their situation, it was only worse and more intense. </p><p>Shared trauma does crazy things to people, she thought as his hand cupped her cheek in a soft yet, confident grip and her eyes fluttered closed. </p><p>"Look at me, Valerie." simple, straight, impossible to ignore, as was his way.</p><p>She opened her eyes slowly, her breath suddenly becoming shallow.</p><p>"Such beautiful eyes. I wonder what their real colour is..." </p><p>He was close. So close she could smell his perfume. She then knew that the scents of fir, or pine following her in the afterlife came from him. He smelled like a forest. A dark, pine forest tainted by smoke from their trek through the burning, crumbling building. </p><p>The smoke would hang onto him for a long time, she knew. The smell of fire clings to every pore. Lingers in the skin and hair and never leaves the mind.</p><p>"Grey-blueish... Just that. I liked this purple more..." Her voice was chocked, barely hers.</p><p>"Like ice. I'd like to see them one day. The real you... No cyberware, no chrome..." He whispered and let his warm hand fall to her collarbone, gently touching her skin, raising goosebumps and sending shivers up her spine.</p><p>His other hand never released hers, but rather, it tightened around her smaller one, as if she would have ran away and escape him, had he let go.</p><p>She looked at him, never wavering, not giving into her instinct to hide again, but rather baring herself to him. And he looked and looked, while one hand gently explored her and the other held her in place, trapped. </p><p>"Your eyes are dark brown, almost reddish. Sometimes, in the right light, I can see them, underneath the optics..." she breathed.</p><p>He hummed in answer as his fingers slowly returned to her face and wrapped around the back of her neck, pulling her to him. </p><p>Her mouth opened and his lips fell on hers at last. He kissed her slowly, tasting her, coaxing her. It was almost a chaste kiss, but yet confident and direct. She barely moved her lips against his, just opened her mouth, closed her eyes and fell into him. </p><p>When she did move them and answered by gently taking his lower lip between her teeth, his hand flexed in her hair and he pulled her even closer, tongue entering her, lips crushing to hers. </p><p>She trembled in his arms, weakness running through her like the waves that sang their song outside the window. She wildly thought how she never expected that strict, hard mouth to kiss so well.  </p><p>A soft moan escaped her throat. She couldn't control it. She was dizzy and hot and full to the brim with desire.</p><p>He ripped off the sheet she had wrapped herself in and grabbed her, effortlessly lifting her and pulling her to him, his fingers digging into her thighs. </p><p>She instinctively knew what he wanted and straddled him, her naked legs wrapping around his waist, her hips grinding desperately into him as he devoured her mouth. He was already hard and it only fuelled and fired her more.</p><p>The sudden manhandling brought pain in the wound on her hip, but she barely registered it, delirious with want. She was also aware that his beard was scratching her skin raw, but didn't care. She wanted it all and fast, even if her wound opened and her face burned red for hours afterwards.</p><p>Her hands quickly searched for the buttons of his shirt, all but ripping them off. She wanted to find the skin bellow that hard, chrome neck. She had always wondered how he looked and felt to the touch. She finally opened his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders.</p><p>She broke the kiss to look. She had wanted to see him so much and she shuddered when it finally happened. </p><p>He was made for battle. Wide shoulders, hard, muscled chest and arms that she had felt many times even through his clothes when she casually touched him, all topped by that insane chrome neck, armouring him from jaw to just above his clavicles, extending a little down his sternum. And scars... Most of them looked old, but they were numerous. She couldn't even imagine what the work and training that got him to where he was now, entailed.</p><p>She touched his chest, just bellow the polished, black and red implant, where his heart was, snaking her fingers up on his smooth skin, all the way to his shoulder. His chest was surprisingly hairless, which was a startling change from River, and pretty much most men she had been with before. </p><p>His breath got deeper in response to her touch, chest visibly expanding under her palms.</p><p>He was a combination of scary and magnetic and a shadow of anxiety ran through her in that rare moment of stillness before the inevitable was going to happen. </p><p>
  <em>Is this a good idea? </em>
</p><p>She had done worse things than this... </p><p>In Yorinobu's suite, she had feared him tremendously when she first laid eyes on him, cold and calculating sniffing for enemies like the guard hound that he was. He scanned the pillar, her and Jackie were hiding in and she always knew he saw them. Gleaming red eyes locked with hers and all blood ran cold for a second. She all but fainted when he moved away, saying nothing. </p><p><em>Why didn't you say anything? </em>She asked him in her mind, not daring to brake the spell with unnecessary words.</p><p>She feared him even more when he bluntly shot DeShawn in the head, before coming after her and literally slapping and dragging her away.</p><p>But now... All was different. All that was collapsing and there was no turning back. </p><p>
  <em>Or was it? I could say no. I could still stop this...</em>
</p><p>He made the final decision by lifting her bra and laying his warm hands on her bare breasts. Soon his mouth followed and her head fell back, moaning wantonly, second thoughts shattering into a million pieces.</p><p>Her entire body was spring-loaded, ready to snap and he didn't stop until she all but begged. Did she really want to get away from him earlier? Those thoughts didn't even seem hers anymore.</p><p>
  <em>"For fuck's sake... I fucking called it! Knowing you, you saved him exactly because you didn't get to fuck him."</em>
</p><p>She swore in her mind, the spell breaking. </p><p>
  <em>Go away. Please. Let me be at least this once. Have the decency to go away.</em>
</p><p>Goro felt the shift in her and stopped, catching her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him.</p><p>"V... What's wrong?" His voice was raspy and his eyes hooded.</p><p>"Nothing... I'm fine." She whispered, running her hands through his hair, feeling each strand fall between her fingers.</p><p>He looked at her with such intensity that tears stung her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>"Damn, this is cheesy as all fuck. At least it's confirmed that the saka bot has feelings. Don't wanna see his cock too, so I'm off."  </em>
</p><p>She crushed her lips hard against Goro's, wanting to hide the sneer that was curling her mouth at Johnny's baseness.</p><p>She felt the familiar buzz that was Johnny's personal signature die off and sighed in relief.</p><p>Goro took her in his arms, turning her towards the bed and spilling her on the cold sheets. He stood back and as if in a dream, she heard the metallic clink of his belt and the glimmer of sunlight caught on it as it fell to the floor, along with his dark trousers. The equally dark boxers followed and he picked them all up from the floor, flinging them nonchalantly on the collapsing armchair by the window. He walked back to her, hard and large, watching her like a predator.</p><p>She was melting into the bed, almost screaming at him to hurry. </p><p>He crawled on top of her, roughly pulling off the meagre undergarments she still had on. </p><p>His body melded into hers, the intense sensation of his warm skin on hers making her dizzy. Her arms went around his neck and she clung to him, wanting to disappear into him, lose herself and never return.</p><p>His hand travelled down, from her neck, to her breasts and then her belly and finally lower, between her legs, until it completely enveloped her. She squeezed him between her thighs and pushed her hips into his hand. She wanted to feel him too, so she encircled her fingers around him, caressing the velvet skin, squeezing and pumping until a deep, guttural moan escaped his mouth. She caught his lips into a kiss, almost wanting to swallow that sound, keep it in her chest forever. </p><p>His fingers entered her and heat ran in shocks through every fiber, muscles twitching and clenching around his fingers. She was going to come just from this, she was sure, and judging by how impossibly hard and thick he was getting, he wasn't far from the precipice either. </p><p>She did not want that. She wanted him inside her and somehow, he knew. He stopped, broke the kiss and drew out his fingers, letting them linger and just caress her trembling flesh. </p><p>His chest heaving, eyebrows knotted, bottom lip between his teeth and out of breath, he was a sight V would never forget. An exhilarating, exciting sensation ran through her at the thought that she was the reason for the state he was in.</p><p>She kept her hold tight around him, but he pulled her hand away, holding it in his slightly shacking fingers.</p><p>"No... Stop, or I'll come undone. Ahh..." he grunted and released a deep breath through his mouth, trying to regain control. She was insanely turned on and slightly amused at his unbridled lust. Never had she seen such a responsive man and she never expected to find such intensity in him of all people. Still waters and all that...</p><p>"Yes, I know. I want you inside me. Not like this..." She whispered and touched his cheek, running her hand through his beard and along the dark chrome on his jaw, pushing his hair away from his face. "You are beautiful..." she said without even thinking. She had never said that to a man. She may have thought it, but never even considered wording it. It was a truth she couldn't keep to herself and she felt like he needed to hear it.</p><p>He raised his eyes to her, glowing and searching, the fog slightly dissipating, but far from gone.</p><p>She had been wondering what his eyes, with their hypnotizing, silver optics, reminded her off. She knew then. Cat eyes. <em>Bakeneko... Freakin' death cat... </em>The memory of their time on the rooftop returned to her mind, feeling as if it happened an eternity ago. <em>It can even restore the dead back to life. </em>His voice sounded in her mind and goosebumps crawled on her arms.</p><p>"Thank you... But I am not, my Valerie. You are..." his whisper fell silent, searching for a word. "Perfect." He said once he had found it.</p><p>Long seconds passed between them as they drank each other. </p><p>
  <em>My Valerie...</em>
</p><p>She felt that prickle in her eyes again. Why did she want to cry? What was wrong with her?</p><p>Without another word he returned to devouring her mouth and gently pushed her on her back, one hand curling beneath her knee to pull her legs apart. She complied eagerly, opening to him as wide as she could.</p><p>He propped himself on his hands, a position that gave him all the freedom to move and she finally felt him where she most desired him. She lost her mind, her legs wrapping around his hips and her hands clawing at his lower back, urging him in. </p><p>He didn't comply, but rather teased, testing her a little, playing with her, then puling back, only to elicit frustrated groans from her mouth. </p><p>He laughed. A low, masculine rumble from his chest and a smile alighting his face - two things she didn't ever think she'd see from him. It made him look younger and just...freer. </p><p>"Please..." She sighed. "Stop toying." Her nails sank in his hard forearms. </p><p>"We'll get there..." he said, that almost boyish smirk never leaving his face.</p><p>He lowered himself to her, catching her lips in his own, tasting her again, this time desperately, like a man drowning. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, one hand tangling in his hair.</p><p>"Valerie, it's been some time and you are so... I won't last long..." he whispered into her mouth, barely breaking the kiss.</p><p>She felt him there again, hard and purposeful and her hips instinctively pushed up into him, finally managing to capture him, at least a little. </p><p>"It doesn't matter..." she said in a strangled voice that didn't sound like it belonged to her "Ah, damn it... I'm on the verge of coming and you just keep torturing me." </p><p>"Very well..." he said, almost business like.</p><p>He started finally moving again and she revelled in that initial pain of adjustment. She wiggled against him and opened her legs further if that was possible. The burning was quite intense and she groaned softly, her fingers going between their bodies to open herself wider. His breath hitched as she squeezed around him. </p><p>His length was normal, average, she thought to herself. His girth though... Another groan escaped her throat, this time deeper, animalistic.</p><p>"Are you good?" he asked in the lowest voice she had ever heard him speak in, his eyes barely opened.</p><p>"Yess... You are big... But it's good. So good..." She managed to push the words out, her breath shallow and her brain absolute mush.</p><p>Her words turned him on even more and she felt him twitch inside her as he slowly drove in deeper. She sank her teeth into her own lip, purposefully drawing pain. </p><p>"Oh God... " she sobbed. Her flesh was trembling, her body burning.</p><p>He was finally inside her to the root and her body convulsed in a spasm, clenching around him hard, eliciting unintelligible words from his mouth. </p><p>He was resting on his forearms above her, unmoving, his entire body taut, his face a combination of pleasure and pain. </p><p>Seconds passed until he seemed to have regained his control. He started moving slowly, visibly reigning himself in, controlling the urge to plough her senseless. </p><p>She closed her eyes and fell into the oblivion of the moment, touching him, touching herself, kissing him, moaning and calling his name. </p><p>He stood up, his large hands going around her neck as he brought her to him and she followed, feeling numb and boneless in his hold. They were cradled in each other's arms, face to face and he bit at her mouth, keeping his hands around her neck, pumping in and out relentlessly until her world spun and her thoughts disappeared.</p><p>His hands released her throat and twisted deep into her hair, pulling her to him in a tight embrace. She mirrored him by snaking her hands around his shoulders, up on his dark neck implant and into his hair, keeping it in her palms while her mouth clung to the bare skin at the base of his throat. She sucked and bit there, intentionally wanting to mark him and he shuddered and moaned deeply, the rumble in his chest going trough hers as well. Soon his rhythm was lost, thrusting wildly, hard, on the verge of pain. </p><p>"Yesyesyesyesyes, Goro... Yesyesaaahhhyesyes... " she chanted in his ear, as the familiar rush of her orgasm started to flood her core, expanding forth throughout her entire body, taking her breath away.</p><p><em>God, I'm going to faint...</em> She thought wildly as her vision blurred and her body positively convulsed and spasmed. </p><p>He fell with her back down to the bed, completely covering her with his body and chasing his own peak unrestrainedly.</p><p>His eyes were closed tightly, his lips opened, drunk on lust, feral and lost in his own overstimulated flesh and the sight sent her over the edge, falling, fast and deep into the chasm. </p><p>She had lost her mind, or had probably blacked out, but her climax hit her like a raging sea, ravaging her body, twisting her every muscle, melting her bones away and exiting her in the form of a beastly moan, that had probably been heard a mile away.</p><p>He fucked her through every second of her release, through every spasm, prolonging the vortex she was in and when he finally came too, they were not separate beings anymore, but one, indistinguishable, melting into the other, in absolute oblivion. With a deep, visceral cry, he thrusted hard, one last time and breathing shakily, rested his body over hers.</p><p>Tears she had been keeping for longer than she could remember, finally came and she couldn't keep them in. Happiness, ecstasy, anger, pain, fear, longing - unbearable feelings. Nothing that could be contained or rationalized, filled her very soul. </p><p>His body relaxed on top of her, lingering in her, still hard, and she never wanted him out. She kept digging her heels into the back of his thighs, to keep him there for as long as possible as tears ran down her temples, knotting at her ears. His heart beat like a fast drum and she felt it in her chest, unable to distinguish it from her own.</p><p>She took a deep breath in and it turned into a sob, no matter how hard she tried stifling it. That sob only opened the floodgates, others chasing it quickly. She bit her lips hard, painfully, clung to him, sinking her fingers into his shoulder blades, but she couldn't stop the gasps going through her and he felt it. Their chests were crushed into the other. Just as she felt his heartbeats, he was feeling and hearing everything.</p><p>His body tensed above her and he rose up from her shoulder, where he had been resting his head, enjoying his afterglow. </p><p>The fog of his own climax could still be found in his hooded eyes and flushed cheeks, but she could see him fighting to regain his composure and sharpness. It only made her feel worse. She had ruined the moment for him. For them, both. Who knew when they'll ever get the chance to be together like this, if ever...</p><p>"V... What is it? Another attack? Did I make a mistake?" he whispered, his voice raspy and tired. </p><p>His hair fell like a dark curtain around them and she pushed it away from his face to see him better and for him to see her better. More tears filled her and escaped the corners of her eyes.</p><p>"You didn't do anything wrong. It was perfect. No one made me feel this way in my entire life." another sob and her teeth sank hard into her lips.</p><p>"Valerie..." he whispered, his thumbs wiping the tears at her temples. "Please..."</p><p>He was worried and slightly hurt. She could see it. He probably still believed it was his fault. </p><p>She had to say it. Had to word it somehow, even though until now she couldn't even admit to herself. It was a specter stalking in the shadows, keeping her up at night, prowling and sniffing after her every step, tearing apart her every laughter and hope and dream. </p><p>"I don't want to die." She chocked out and started crying openly, her chest heaving and her hands shaking. "I'm afraid of death. Terrified..."</p><p>He looked at her with the strangest expression, slightly wide eyed, a frown on his brows, his mouth a little agape. It was as if a deep revelation was given to him. Something he had never expected or considered. </p><p>"Valerie..." He whispered, letting her name hang between them. </p><p>"I'm sorry. You shouldn't see me like this. I'm sorry for ruining this. I just... God... I'm so afraid...." More tears streamed and he looked confused and worried. It was obvious to her that he didn't know what to say, or how to handle the situation. Another wave of guilt washed over her.</p><p>"Trust me." He said in a rough whisper, his teeth clenched, a determined frown on his face. "I won't let you die. Please, trust me, as I trusted you."</p><p>"I try..." she chocked out. "I cannot trust anyone. I'm so damn broken." Her nails dug into his shoulders and she squeezed his waist hard between her thighs. "I have so many things to do. I haven't lived enough. I don't want to go now... And I'm afraid of <em>that </em>moment too and how it would feel. The moment my body truly gives up on me and it's over..."</p><p>"Fearing death is normal. No shame in it. There is wisdom in the fear of death." His hand rested on her forehead, smoothing her hair, over her crown. "I fear death as well..." His eyes unfocused for just a moment. "It has been stalking me for a long time..."</p><p>"I don't think I'm wise. I'm just cowardly as fuck. I'm... I turn into a trembling mess thinking about it and its proximity." Another sob clenched in her chest. She probably looked like a complete mess. Stabbed, burned, fried, fucked and now breaking into a full on ugly cry. </p><p>"You are anything but cowardly." he whispered and looked into her eyes with something that only made her feels worse. "I promise I will do everything in my power to not let you die. Just, please, trust me. Valerie, I need you to trust me."</p><p>She wanted to ask him what power he had. She wanted to tell him that he was just a bodyguard, not a suit and now not even that, being on the run from his own masters, but those were heavy, hurtful words that he didn't deserve. He was resourceful and cunning and he knew how his masters worked and thought. It wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility for him to truly succeed. </p><p>"I'll try trusting you... I would have to betray everyone I know if I go this route. All will hate me..." Her voice was small. </p><p>Her brain tingled and buzzed softly. Johnny was listening, there on the border between her mind and her vision. She shook her head, trying to shake him away too.</p><p>"You would live. You would be able to do more. You are too young. And those who would hate you, are not friends. I would never hate you..."</p><p>A cold snare wrapped around her heart at his words.</p><p>"Really? Not even if I went against Arasaka? If I helped bring them down?" she asked him quietly, placing a hand on his cheek.</p><p>His face turned grave, his corpo mask back on, but underneath it she saw fear. He shook his head softly, his hand flexed hard upon the crown of her head, all but clenching in her hair.</p><p>"Tell me... Be honest." she whispered and let her hand rest at his temple, gently, trying to reign in the temper she knew well and that was now simmering underneath the surface.</p><p>"I... Valerie, for your sake and mine, I implore you, not to do that. Not now..." He let the last sentence hang in the air, accentuating it with a hard look, deep into her eyes. "If you do that, among other things, you will die. Understand, there is no chance elsewhere."</p><p>"And afterwards? What do I have left?" She asked him in a hard tone, commanding, yet still shaky from her unbridled crying.</p><p>He considered her again. His head cocked to the side just a little and his eyes roamed her face thoughtfully. </p><p>"How do you say it in English? We'll cross that bridge when we get there. First you need to live."</p><p>"Yes, I agree with that. But you still haven't answered my first question. Would you hate me?"</p><p>He closed his eyes tightly for a second and sighed.</p><p>"After what happened between us... I don't think I'll ever be able to hate you... I could ask the same. What would I have to do for you to hate me?"</p><p>"I don't know. Genocide perhaps." she gave him a wry smile. "But even then, I realistically still don't think I'd hate you."</p><p>That sounded crazy when she said it out loud and she heard Johnny groan in annoyance, but didn't spare him a look, wherever he was. </p><p>An understanding passed between them and he nodded slowly.</p><p>"You understand then."</p><p>He caught her lips in a slow, lazy kiss and then rolled off her, keeping an arm around her waist. </p><p>"You need rest." He spoke into her hair and his last words turned into a long yawn. He unceremoniously grabbed a sheet and threw it on both of their bodies. His accent was thicker than ever. This was a quirk she had noticed before. Whenever he was tired or very stressed the Japanese accent was coming, unrestrained to the surface.</p><p>"I think you need it more than me..." she said. "At least I had my couple of hours of beauty sleep." </p><p>He laughed softly at her little jape.</p><p>"Yes. You slept well indeed." he mumbled. </p><p>"Why did we come here anyway? This is Voodoo Boys territory!"</p><p>"You were conscious enough to direct me here, saying its the safest because you dispatched their leader. It was better than your home. We don't want them finding it yet, despite things ultimately going our way. I even found clean sheets in one of the cupboards and the door lock worked, so your instincts were correct." She didn't remember any of that.</p><p>The sheets were indeed clean, weirdly crisp, though yellowed with time. Who knows how many years they had been locked, forgotten in this hotel room. Still better than some piss and vomit stained bed in any Night City motel. Plus, they had the sound of the sea outside the window. If she closed her eyes she could imagine they were just a normal couple on a holiday somewhere exotic and beautiful. </p><p>She almost laughed to herself. Normal things. Parades, nights out, holidays... Not their life.</p><p><em>"Motherfucker should thank me for that. You wouldn't have known of this place if it wasn't for me." </em>Johnny was lounging in a chair by the window, legs crossed and an equally crossed expression on his face.</p><p>She frowned at him, but said nothing, rather, she turned around to face Goro. He opened his eyes just a little and looked at her, with a tiny, sleepy smile on his face. </p><p>"Things ultimately going our way? What do you mean?" She was suddenly energized, curious. This always happened to her after sex. She could go run, party or shoot, while the men would collapse in snoring heaps. Like all her men, Goro, of course, seemed to go the sleep route too.</p><p>"Hm..." he groaned. "Hanako-sama sent a Proxy while you were recovering. She agrees to speak to you and seeks justice for the murder." he whispered. "That being said, we should still be cautious. Things aren't yet...secure." he added, all but drifting off to sleep. She smiled.</p><p><em>"You destroyed the old man. Look at him! Ha ha ha!"  </em>Johnny laughed from behind her, clicking his lighter and filling her mind and nostrils with the smell of cigarettes. </p><p>"Rest. We'll discuss later. Is the water running too? That would be a miracle."</p><p>"Hm, no. That would be impossible, V. Imagine the whole building is abandoned. How could there be running water?" he managed to patronize her even if he was half sleeping. "But there are two bottles of water on the table. There were more, but I used them to get rid of the blood on me and you..."</p><p>"Okay. Thank you." She whispered and disentangled herself from his arms. He turned on his stomach, hugged the pillow and pulled the sheet around him. </p><p>"When you return, can you bring me a bottle, please? Thirsty..." he softly called after her.</p><p>"I will. Won't use both." She smiled softly at him, the wholesomeness of the moment, almost unnerving her. They were in the literal eye of the storm. </p><p>Tears clawed at her eyelids again and she got up from the bed, feeling boneless, almost floating. Next to the entrance she spotted her little tactical backpack and rummaged through it for the basic toiletries she always kept with her. The first aid kit that used to be in the backpack too, now laid opened and half empty on the window table, with the two bottles next to it.</p><p>Johnny was there looking at her and he got up to follow her to the bathroom.</p><p>
  <em>"Please don't follow me inside while I clean myself."</em>
</p><p><em>"I won't. Chill."  </em>he leaned against the wall next to the bathroom and she closed the door in his face. The bathroom was a ruin, but at least a remaining shard from what used to be a mirror, was still stuck to the wall. She used it to clean the smeared makeup and tears off her face.</p><p>"<em>Okay. Go on. Nag me." </em>she spoke to Johnny in her mind.</p><p><em>"You know what? I won't. Gotta give it to the old man. He's not bad. Gave you the dicking of your life." </em>Johnny laughed. <em>"Glad you got it out of your system. Now we can move on to serious business."</em></p><p>V blew her nose in response. </p><p><em>"See, that's why crying is stupid. You get snotty and red and scare everyone around you." </em>Johnny had to add his opinion on everything she did.</p><p>She balanced on the broken down toilet, trying her hardest not to touch it, while cleaning herself as best as she could with water from the bottle. </p><p>She had seen and done worse in the desert, but at least she didn't always have spectators. Johnny snorted outside the door.</p><p>
  <em>"You realize I know and see everything you do, even if you don't see me, don't you?"</em>
</p><p><em>"Enjoy the view then. As long as you're not here with me, I don't care." </em>She smiled to herself and stood up.</p><p>She walked out of the bathroom and Johnny wouldn't stop, of course. She didn't expect him too.</p><p>
  <em>"Death is not that bad, you know." </em>
</p><p>His words made her stop and look at him. He had pushed his glasses down his nose and was watching her intensely. She always found him more human without those glasses. He had kind eyes, but liked covering them. It was his one redeeming feature that revealed depth and some sensitivity underneath all that hate and darkness. </p><p><em>"You don't have to fear it. It's quick and the pain is short...most times." </em>He frowned at her, searching her eyes. <em>"You never feared death until a little while ago. Until you started to catch feelings for the saka scum."</em></p><p><em>"Don't call him that." </em>she hissed at him in her mind, suddenly feeling protective. Johnny sighed and pushed his glasses up over his eyes again.</p><p><em>"Love makes us want to live, but sometimes being too afraid to die ruins greatness, victories." </em>Johnny's eyes turned towards the bed, where Goro was softly snoring. <em>"Duty is thrown to trash... We try too hard to live for love, which only kills us faster. Do you know what responsibilities he has? Do you know how after all this he can either betray you, or on the contrary betray himself and likely have to die? You don't even understand their culture..." </em></p><p><em>"And you understand him?" </em>She challenged, teeth gritting in anger. Johnny smiled wistfully. </p><p><em>"Better than you. Why do you think I named my band Samurai? I was quite fascinated by their culture, their history." </em>His eyes never left Goro.</p><p>She looked at him too. She could barely see him, covered by sheets as he was. For the first time he looked small, she thought.</p><p>A cold shiver ran up her spine.</p><p>
  <em>"He isn't a samurai. Not in the old sense." </em>
</p><p><em>"Eh... Perhaps. But he's likely around my age and he was basically raised by Saburo in very different times... Come on, he himself told you what it meant to be trained, how harsh it was. Saburo does nothing lightly. Leaves nothing to chance or out of order. Saburo has seen even older times. Times when those codes were in place and he imposed them on his servants. Yes, servants." </em>Huffed Johnny at her slightly shocked expression.<em> "Don't look at me like that. That's what you're joytoy there is, Saburo's servant."</em></p><p><em>"I'd slap you if I could!" </em>she hissed in her mind.</p><p>Johnny smiled a tiny, mocking smile, deep in thought, his eyes burning a hole through the bed.</p><p><em>"Love is the death of duty..." </em>he whispered more to himself.</p><p><em>"What?" </em>she asked him and for a second she feared she may have said that out loud.</p><p><em>"Ah.... A quote from the old times. From a TV show that was very popular back in the day. Always loved that quote." </em>He lit himself another cigarette and released a large plume of imaginary smoke. <em>"Ask your boyfriend. He may remember it."</em></p><p>She dismissed Johnny's nonsense, but never stopped glaring at him.</p><p>"<em>Why do you suddenly care about Goro's fate? You have wanted him dead ever since you first saw him." </em></p><p><em>"Yes. And I still want him dead. I won't lie to you. It is not about him, it is about us, you. If you get too tangled in this shit, you'll fucking die, V! </em>He turned his face towards her, smoke lazily wafting around him. <em>"At this moment you seem to care more about him than yourself, so I'm appealing to your feelings, letting you know you're dragging him to death as well."</em></p><p>V felt a surge of white hot anger rising up from her chest and into her very brain. The audacity...</p><p><em>"Who are you fooling?" </em>she laughed bitterly. <em>"You don't care about me! You care about my body and want it alive so that you can take residence in it. Fucking bastard trying to lie to me. Don't insult my intelligence!" </em></p><p>Johnny's lips turned into a thin smile. </p><p>
  <em>"You have a very low opinion of me."</em>
</p><p><em>"Oh, sorry, you are right. Things go like this, kill Smasher, burn down Arasaka once again, steal my body, go find Rogue. Live happily ever after." </em>she all but spat in his face, but remembered it would only hit the wall behind him.</p><p><em>"As enticing as that might sound, no. That is not what I want." </em>he said calmly.</p><p>
  <em>"Stop. Lying. To me!"</em>
</p><p>"V?" Goro's low voice called to her. </p><p>Had she yelled that out loud? </p><p>She looked at the place Johnny had occupied moments earlier and found it empty.</p><p>
  <em>Good riddance...</em>
</p><p>"Yes, I'm here." she said lightly and went to the table to retrieve the remaining bottle of water and pass it to him.</p><p>He was on his side, propped on one elbow and very drowsy. He drank almost half of the water in one breath, gulping it down eagerly, before putting the cap back on and throwing the bottle across the bed towards her.</p><p>"This is yours. Drink. You need it." he said roughly, while letting himself fall back against the pillow. </p><p>She loved this sleepy, messy Goro, she decided. </p><p>She drank the water as instructed and when she was done, he gave her a pleased smile and extended an arm towards her.</p><p>"Good. Now come here. There's still some time..." </p><p>She obeyed once again and joined him. His arm snaked around her, holding tight, warm and comforting.</p><p>"We could go to my place. Since we are not in danger anymore, we better make the best of what time we have." she whispered, her fingers running circles across his arm.</p><p>She felt a hot breath in her ear.</p><p>"I couldn't move now even if the entire Arasaka army would burst through the door." </p><p>The ludicrous image of those goons armed to the teeth coming in and seeing them like this, was the stuff of comedy. She smiled.</p><p>"Now that would be something..." she whispered and he answered with a laugh in her ear.</p><p>She took his hand and kissed his palm, before laying her cheek against it and closing her eyes. In response, his chromed fingers flexed softly around her cheek.</p><p>She didn't know if she would fall asleep. Everything was too surreal around her. She would stay here though. She would linger, enjoy the warmth of his arms, his chest against her back and his hot breath on her neck. She would imagine they were normal, ordinary people with all the time in the world. She would close her eyes and imagine...</p><p>"We'll go to your home later..." he whispered, like an afterthought that he had unintentionally spoken out loud.</p><p>She finally drifted off, the smell of pines and forests and seas filling her head and breaking her heart.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I may continue this, or write other such one shots that I have in mind, but for now this is it. This is my first fanfic on this site, so be nice.🥺</p><p>Cookies for whoever guesses the popular show reference Millenial Johnny makes at the end!😉</p></blockquote></div></div>
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